It’s 1:49 in the am on saturday Febuary the 16th 2008 and I can’t seem to sleep for the life of me. I am suppose to play a game of rugby in about 12 hours and i need all the sleep i can get. But I don’t suppose that’s going to happen on this night. My head keeps turning back and forth, going from one extreme to the next. Am I good enough? Strong enough? Am I normal? Is there anything wrong with me? Does anyone care? I have a hard time with people. I’m not as good you as you might think. Some might not think that highly of me in the first place…thats fine…I suppose. This place that i’m at, it feels so alone. I feel so enclosed from the rest of the world. The running is the hardest part for me. You see, in this life, this life with God, we’re not supposed to stay in one place, we’re supposed to run as fast as we can into Gods infinite embrace. Because no matter how cold and alone the world gets we don’t have to be alone and cold, we can be warm and loved and excepted by him who truly matters. But I forgot to chase him, I’ve been so busy thinking about how there’s no one chasing me that i forgot about him, My Love.

It’s sad they were this age
Still drowning in the deepend
Only place I swim

It’s hard at times to notice just how beautiful the world can be. But it really is beautiful. Feel the grass between your toes, and the wind on your face and fingertips. Smell the earth as it opens itself up to you. Close your eyes and spread your arms as you look to the heavens in wonder. Run the feilds you cry in. Climb the trees your sleep under and when you get to the top look about and never forget this moment.

Breath deep this moment, Breath deep as God rushes through your veins like a drug that doesn’t go away. And when it is all over and the dream doesn’t seem to end, know with everything you are that you are good enough, strong enough! And there is nothing wrong with you, you are exactly where you are suppose to be. Also know that you are not normal. You are a child of God and he does care about you and your life and with his freedom you can chase the world into the night and laugh in knowing you’re unstoppable. And they will shudder when they hear your coming. They will run in fear and all you do is smile and destroy walls that confine and domesticate us into a plow. You will be immortal!

So with this thought and me at 2:30 in the morning it’s ok to feel this way. It’s ok to feel as one. Apparently I’m supposed to feel like this maybe for no other reason than to be writing this down. Maybe just for you. Embrace this time and live at peace. The world is your play ground, and you should live guiltless and free, you are completely serene.

I’ve never felt so alone…
And I’ve never been so alive!

Sweet dreams         -Brett

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